The Morning Pages from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

by Jules on May 14, 2012

I’m addicted to the “morning pages”.  Who would have thought, that by writing down whatever random thought comes to mind until three pages are filled every morning that I would not only allow the Creative Force of life to flow more easily but also tune in more to the elusive peace and presence within.

I must confess

My relationship with this idea and process did not begin well. The morning pages and Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” first came into my awareness quite a few years ago. It seemed that, no matter where I turned, or what book or article I read, there was a reference to Julia Cameron’s book/course that had evolved through her journey as an artist/writer.

People were amazed at what they were discovering within themselves. Even though I mistakenly thought this book was for artists only, I still wanted the life-altering transformation that I was hearing about as a result of doing the course in the book. I decided this was a book I needed to read. Finally, I bought myself a copy of The Artist’s Way to read while I waited for my son and his mates at a skate park.

The boys skated, I read

To be honest, the first time around all those years ago, I did not find the book particularly alluring. There were so many activities to do and not enough “tell me something to make me feel good”. Yep. I wanted the waters to part so I could easily walk away from my burdens – just give me something to make me feel good! This book is not one that you sit and read. You apply the exercises and you will experience the change we all seek.

Finally the book resonated

I can’t remember what prompted me to do so but I picked the book up again six weeks ago, just as I was about to teach a Mindfulness course. This time there was an unexplainable pull. I began to understand why there had been such a fuss made of this book. I sensed something was different this time.

The difference was – me

This time I was ready to do whatever I had to do to find myself. To find my REAL self. To find my SOUL.

So began my passion with The Morning Pages

The first few days felt strange, just writing whatever came to mind .. anything at all .. just spilling my mind onto blank paper until three pages were filled. There seemed to be a lot of rubbish filling those pages! And what I discovered was .. exactly that. The thoughts that ran round and round in my mind, over and over, was utter rubbish. Thoughts and stories were being created and unleashed upon my own mental and emotional destruction. And this is what had filled my head .. every day.

Now I consider myself a fairly aware person, ever mindful of my thoughts. But I was shocked to discover what was really going on in my mind.

It didn’t take long before I realized the benefits of writing this mental noise down on paper. It seemed I was having a brain-dump in the morning which freed my mind for the rest of the day. But after a few weeks of releasing the obvious chatter, I began to give my unconscious space to talk as well.

Five weeks on from picking up the book again, my mind is becoming still. No longer are stories running my life. But many unusual events are taking place.

Just the other day I discovered that it was expected that I would allow some people into my home, into my life, under THEIR rules and expectations, which were dismissive of me.

Now in the past, as a highly sensitive person, I have been more than willing to bend, if it meant keeping the peace, and keeping everyone happy. I didn’t like upsetting anyone. I didn’t understand what I was doing at the time but I would rather not like myself than someone else not like me. Whatever anyone else wanted, they would have. And my self-esteem plummeted.

As I began to let go of beliefs of “not good enough” when these situations arose, I would privately stew in my anger, then relent to other people’s wishes anyway.

Not anymore! Not this time!

Yes I still became angry. But very quickly recognized that I had a choice. I had sold my soul all  my life by letting people have what they wanted, regardless of my own feelings. But now it’s obvious to me that I like myself. I love my life. And no-one was going to take that away from me.

That game was over

I drew a line in the sand which began and ended at the front door of my home, and of my soul. The one’s who had tried to control and manipulate me since the day we met, were no longer welcome to continue to do as they had done .. as I had allowed them to do. Unfortunately .. there won’t be any discussion as that does not work with some.

It’s simple. I’ve made a choice and my soul is where it belongs.

I cannot tell you how long I’ve been trying to find that place of just being ok to say no – and meaning it – to bullies.

I don’t feel angry. I don’t feel as if I won.

I just feel peace. I’ve let it go.

My faith in the goodness of life is growing

Little gifts from Life are beginning to show up in the most unusual ways. Since opening and clearing my mind my Soul has found room to step up and lead me to be more aligned with the flow. Through opening to my Soul, I have allowed the Creator to gently and effortlessly guide my way home.

Resistance will arise

Peace and stillness is finding it’s way into my life, but there are moments when resistance wants to make a stand. It seems to be a natural occurance for us to resist what is good for us when begin to make changes. This is ego doing it’s job to “keep you safe”, to keep you in the groove of what you know.

Peace In the void

When the changes first began within myself they were ever so subtle. Then I did notice things happening but this feeling of stillness was unusual, it’s different to anything I have experienced before. There’s nothing that I’m trying to do. It’s just happening. I don’t feel pressured to “push on” as I always did. For once in my life I feel ok about not achieving, not doing, and just being still. I wasn’t relating these changes to the morning pages until .. I read the next chapter ..

Recovering A Sense of Integrity – The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron Page 85

“If you look over the time you have been doing your morning writing, you will see that many changes have entered your life as a result of your willingness to clear room for it in your Creator’s action. You will have noticed an increased, sometimes disconcerting, sense of personal energy, some bursts of anger, some flash points of clarity. People and objects may have taken on a different meaning to you. There will be a sense of the flow of life – that you are brought into new vistas, as you surrender to moving with the flow of God. This is clear already.”

I’m loving the Morning Pages, and I’m only up to chapter 4. Oh, by the way, there are many other excercises to incorporate into your life. The morning pages are a basic foundation, and perhaps the most important one.

Part Two

Keep an eye out for part two .. to come.

“At the centre of your being you have the answer. You know who you are and you know what you want”. Lao Tzu

Have you taken the journey of the Artist’s Way? What was your experience?

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Courage, shame and vulnerability of the highly sensitive person and empath

by Jules on May 12, 2012

Sensitives and Empaths are familiar with shame.

Often belittled for being TOO sensitive, or asked by those closest to us “What’s wrong with you?”  .. lead us to believe there really was something wrong, and the deep feeling of shame for being “defective” wounded us deeply.

As Sensitives and Empaths, most shy away from being vulnerable as it opens the door to our “perceived inadequacy” being exposed, and we do not want to relive the nightmare of that humiliation. And this can be our biggest challenge.

With empathy being our gift .. the ability to “know”, to “get” people because we can feel them and understand their pain, people gravitate toward us, and many Sensitives tend to gravitate toward the healing arts because caring – empathy – is our nature, our strength, and what  drives us.

For a Sensitive, however, putting yourself and your gift of empathy “out there” in a professional or a personal way can be very intimidating. The feeling of “not good enough” haunts the Sensitive. It takes committment, courage and determination to take your gift to the world.

It takes courage to be a healer

Many Sensitives are moving toward alternative modalities, learning tools and techniques in the area of natural therapies, spiritual healing and intuitive counseling to use within their own families, or to take into the external world professionally. But that takes enormous courage to step out in this still relatively new industry, even within our own families.

As Sensitives we take things very personally. Even if we’re wise enough to know that other people’s criticism is not necessarily about us, being shot down the minute you step out in a way that makes other people uncomfortable can wound you terribly.

I recently felt “shot down”, which came at me after a misunderstanding .. hot on the heel of putting myself “out there” for the first time publicly. It hurt more than I could have imagined. The self-doubt smacked me around and no matter how much I believed I was providing a much needed service, and believed in what I was offering, it was the deep shame of not ”feeling” good enough that nipped at my heels.

I felt like giving up. Who did I think I was?

And just for a moment, well, a couple of days actually, I wanted to hide, and sleep, but instead spent many hours in meditation, bringing my Spirit back into the present moment.

For those Sensitives and Empaths who were raised in supportive, loving environments, a very good chance at a confident and meaningful life mostly ensues. There is often still confusion and some self doubt until they understand all those intrusive feelings. But for those who spent regular time in fear .. for whatever reason, or were not able to experience love and nurturing support, shame was ususally burned into their unconscious awareness.

For years I’ve been investigating why I froze instead of defending myself .. all those years. I wondered why, in a moment when I had a chance to connect with someone who inspired me, I froze and backed away. Many, many times throughout my life, my words froze in my throat, and the entrenched feeling of self-doubt, not good enough, forced me to stay away, silent, unseen.

Shame, silent and debilitating

I’ve come to believe that this is the deep emotional wound of shame. In these moments of shame, I froze as there was nowhere to run from my deep feeling of inadequacy. I could not hide from myself. So I froze the moment, unable to face the “truth” of not being good enough.

Now everyone has experienced shame at some time or another. But in my observation, Sensitives and Empaths experience this more frequently. Some, as already mentioned, more so, depending upon how they felt about themselves and the safety and nurturing of their environment while growing up.

My investigations lead me to believe that it’s the shame that remains frozen in my unconscious, that causes me to continue to doubt myself. My Spirit is frozen, fragmented, and remnants remain in the past.

The Present Moment

When my focus is not in the present moment I feel scattered, alone and unsure of myself. When I live in the present moment I understand there is nothing more I need for inner freedom. This took me the longest time to understand, but I dug further and believe it’s the frozen shame that causes my doubt about my worth.

So this understanding made it incredibly more important to live in the present moment.

I’ve spent years trying to work out how to release the unconscious memory of deep shame .. though I didn’t know that was what I was doing. I thought I simply wanted to feel ok about myself and about my life. I wanted to be rid of the inner critic. I wanted to stop the mental chatter and put-downs, I wanted the suffering, the shame, and the humiliaton to stop. It hurt that I always felt like I didn’t belong, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t force myself to be like others. So ..

I’ve spent a lot of time alone

I don’t mind that I spend so much time alone. In fact, I thrive on it. In the past there were many times that I felt left out, but now, well, I realize I need the alone time, so I gift myself that much. The difficulty has been .. thinking too much. Making up stories about what happened, how I could have done it differently, how to avoid the situation in future so I don’t allow anyone to induce the feeling of shame that is already just under the surface, waiting for someone to bust me and my perceived ”unworthiness”. And then there is the pondering, the wondering .. what the hell was wrong with me?

Awakening to my gift

I’ve searched the world over (thank God for the internet) to find answers, to just find a way to feel ok. And fortunately, I’ve found some wonderful tools that have helped me .. and others ..  dive deep into my unconscious and release the frozen shame that has controlled my life.  I’ve discovered the importance of being in the moment. I understand that not only can mindfulness feel good for the moment that I focus on it, but by practicing it as a way of life is like a peaceful, walking meditation.

By using all the tools and techniques I’ve discovered .. through learning by other people, and what I’ve discovered on my own .. I’m accessing the place of stillness.  Bit by bit I’m freeing myself from all that inner suffering by realeasing the frozen shame. Slowly, but surely, I’m opening to the fact that life really is wonderful. Many days I’m soaring, other days, I’m simply remembering and savouring the peace that is already within. And then there are other days that I’m given the opportunity to spend time alone, to transform other people’s fear that I absorb, to reflect, forgive, and walk my talk, to be the person I say I am. Or perhaps more to the point, to be the person I aspire to be. I’m already in there, it’s now just a matter of bringing my Spirit home to the present moment, which in turn allows me to set my Spirit free.

Believe in yourself

And this, my friend, is what gets me through those moments of self-doubt, when in the act of helping people, someone may shoot me down. But I promise you this – I WILL get back up again. Because I believe in what I’m doing. I KNOW I’m a healer! I KNOW I can make a difference to people’s lives. And if that draws attention from people who want to challenge me and my worth .. well .. I’ll deal with it.

It hurts, but I’m getting stronger. And it’s taken me the longest time to realize my value and my worth.

And I’m not going anywhere!

Fear is not going to win this round!

What about you?

Is fear going to stop you being the light that you are to the world?

You are needed! And you are needed now!

Will you let your light shine?

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Sensitives and Empaths, Messengers of the Light

May 12, 2012

Taking a HIT as a Sensitive and Empath Last night I took a hit! An empath hit! It was from my highly sensitive empath son .. got me in the solar plexus, the heart, and the throat chakra with laser precision. He’s 17 and has lost himself in his first relationship. Oh the pain of [...]

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